Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
