I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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