i think my tv is drunk
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
