No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
