Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
