I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
