yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
