Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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