I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
