I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
