My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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