The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
