I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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