my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
