OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
