So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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