My hair reeks of homosexuality.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
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Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
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Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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