Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
