Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
