and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So here I am, sexting at work.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
