drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
