Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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