my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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