glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
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I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
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Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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