When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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