i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
