There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
