Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
