I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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