We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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