wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
