I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
