DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
