I saw his package. It spoke to me.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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