i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
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there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
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Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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