On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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