My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
