i wish starbucks made bloody marys
that's an acceptable place to lick
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
