Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
