I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
