...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
being pregnant is like rehab
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
