Nicole vs. Life
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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