is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Drake has all the answers
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
