"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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