girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
