I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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