you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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