I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
