please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
