I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
