We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
