Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Quick, to the slutcave!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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