YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
