I will die if light touches me.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
