dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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