dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
