I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
