FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a booty call, not a friend.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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