There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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