Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
