i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
