remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
