i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
