this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
